Monday, September 29, 2014

1d10 Sacred Vans From The 1970's Random Encounter Table For Your Old School Post Apocalyptic Campaigns

Given the strange energies and radiations that were unleashed during the apocalyptic events surrounding the end of all it is not surprising that certain vehicles would be endowed with powers and abilities. Many of these sacred objects are sought out by certain individuals and adventurers.
Many of these vans as they were called were decorated with sacred art and given special reverence by their owners.
Now they are being sought out by various tribes for their special powers and magical properties. Many tribes of mutants and pures go to war over possession of some of these vans. There are rumors and legends of mad priests of the car gods who can still do the sacred art of customization. These mad holy men mechanics and magicians are the stuff of legend often the objects of quests for various tribes. Other tribes of mutants who loath such individuals will try and murder them for their sacred knowledge is dangerous in the wastes.
Many  of these vans have a life of their own and have been found in remote corners of the wastes and even on other worlds.
There are very few artists and mechanics capable of the up keep of these vans. They will need monthly attention and maintenance for 200 gold pieces.
To create one of theses works of art that is a quest unto itself. First it will take 1d6 months of looking in the wastelands and following rumors. Then the party must find a garage with the right mechanic priest upon staff a charisma roll is needed just to be granted an audience. Next is the gathering of a body and parts then comes the two year process of enchantment and customization which costs the owner 30,000 gold pieces minimum.
This is why there are 'agents of the car gods' looking for such rides and trading in them.

 1d10 Sacred Vans From The 1970's Random Encounter Table

  1. This tricked out electric blue customized van with a wizard mural on the side  has the power to transcend time and space. It is capable taking six individuals across 1d8 dimensional planes in comfort and style. 
  2. This customized van has stylized fertility goddesses of rock and roll done in a dreamy and trippy style. The van has a fold out bed and kitchen. Any child conceived within its confines under the watchful eyes of the goddesses will have 1d4 beneficial mutations and only a 30% chance of dire mutations. The van's 'magic' is one of the most highly sought after out in the wastes. 
  3. The Van of the Thunder Bird - This van has a stylized air brushed eagle or thunderbird air brushed across its surface. The car god adds +2 to the wisdom of the warriors under his protection and this shag carpeted van is actually a rolling war shrine. There is a 10% chance of the spirit of the van casting a cure light wounds spell upon a 'worthy' warrior or veteran. The van will always seek out a veteran warrior of superior aspect for ownership and cause him to seek out other warriors of his tribe to share the spirit of the van with. 
  4. Far Roamer - There is a space motif to the artwork of this van and it is often found on remote worlds where it has ended up. This van can once per day open a dimensional warp and jump 1d10 light years. The spirits of these vans often have their fuel source replaced with a nuclear or energy cell. There is often a hidden laser cannon someplace on the van. Once per week the van can summon the spirits of 1d10 alien warriors of 3rd level to defend itself should it or its owner get into trouble. 
  5. The Rolling Coffin -  This van is a necromancer's dream done in vampire and skull paint job. The interior is a red velvet dream with metallic trim and a coffin style steering wheel. Once per week this van may warp itself to the lands of the newly dead. It may summon 1d6 skeleton warriors to defend against attack. Often this van is found with 1d4 fire arms secreted in compartment someplace on the van. These vans are sometimes used for funeral rites by certain tribes and actively sought out by wizards of a necrotic bent. 
  6. Peace and Love - These vans are blessed with a far out and hippy Earth mother paint job. They will cause fertility and healing wherever they go. 1d200 acres of wasteland will be healed of the cancers of mutations and food will grow naturally. But these vans will continually have a sound track of Greatful Dead tunes playing and the pungent aroma of  'pot' will issue from within the interior of this van. Many will be driven away from a tribe owning this van after 1d4 months. 
  7. The Rebel - This orange van has a flag from a lost time upon it and is often owned by a warrior and adventuring family of renown. The van is armored and has a very hard core motor within.+2 to all drive checks and handling checks.  There will often be the spirit of a deceased warrior attached to this ride. He always has advice and wry comments for the owner. Owners of this vehicle often find themselves on the other side of the law through no fault of their own. 
  8. The Pimpmobile - This ride will be the most elaborate and eye catching candy van affordable when found. It adds +3 to charisma with objects of lust. The spirit of this ride is often a deceased pre holocaust 'man of means' and will always be after the owner about making profit, gather artifacts, and introducing the owner to the life style emulated by the van. There's also a very dark side should the owner disrespect this ride. Its spirit may summon 1d4 succubus to ravage and drain dry the owner of this ride. The van will disappear in a puff of brimstone. There will be 1d6 preholocaust artifacts of a dubious nature secreted throughout this van when found.
  9. Pork Chop Express  - This van is done in a crazy mural style of pre holocaust martial arts film with Chinese dragons and martial arts action scenes painted across surface of the van.  +3 to driving and charisma. The owner of this van will be a man of action or think he is and dash into the wastes looking for trouble. There will be a large hand gun in the glove compartment when found or a machine pistol . Once per day the owner may call upon the spirit of Jack Burton whose also the patron spirit of some tribes of warriors for advice or wisdom. This may be offered regardless if the owner asks or not .Once per week the owner of this van may call down 1d8 ancient warriors from China to defend the van.  The van's sacred dragon spirit often seems to gather martial artists to itself and such communities who have these rides often have such individuals among their ranks.
  10. The Van of the Lightning - This van has a cherry red and yellow motif as well as artwork. Often with a flame and lightning symbolism worked throughout and a shocking red velvet interior. The spirits of this ride include the wisdom of Solomon, the engine has the strength of Hercules, the stamina of Atlas, the power of Zeus, the courage of Achilles, and the speed of Mercury.
    The owner of this van will charged with the protection of the innocent and  helping the desperate in the wastelands. Once per day the owner may call upon the power and insight of the spirits that have been worked into this ride. Or they will call upon the owner through a funky bejeweled dash ornament. Individual powers of this van will vary greatly and are up to the DM
    Three times per day the owner may call down a lightning strike as per the spell. Sometimes when this ride is found there will be 1d4 minor magic items secreted throughout the van.

Using The 

1d10 Sacred Vans From The 1970's Random Encounter Table
For Your Old School Post Apocalyptic Campaigns 


I was reading through Jack Shear's Planet Mother #$%#er the other night and this table popped into my head. Given the Encounter Critical rpg as well and the gonzo nature of Mutant Future at times I can see this one getting lots of use behind the DM's screen. It fits right into the background of those game systems especially PMF given Jack's description:  In an alternate-reality Earth where the worst fears of the Cold War came to pass in 1965—the Year of the Thunderkiss. Some fat-fingered bureaucrat pressed the shiny red button and set off Armageddon. However, instead of resulting in a grim, gritty wasteland where humanity struggles to survive, the atomic fallout instead warped the fabric of reality itself. Planet Motherfucker has been twisted into a psychoholic grindhouse world where giant ratmen drag race hot rods against murder-minded robots, where lunatic wolfmans square off against brickhouse Amazons, and where living dead girls, doom nuns, and Murican witches command the awesome powers of the bump-n-grind occult.
 Given the nature of the wastelands in Planet Motherhumper, I can see unleashing this table upon my players very soon.
If you haven't downloaded and read through Jack Shear's Planet Mother $%@#er rpg, its available right over on his blog down the right hand side under free stuff.
Available right over HERE


  1. Snazzy! And saves the the hassle of doing it myself! :)

  2. Got more coming up Justin! More high post apocalyptic wasteland weirdness.


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