So last night I was reading Crimson Dragon Slayer from Venger Satanis, I haven't picked this game up in a month or so. I began to think about the wastelands of Thule and what they would look like? The basic premise is very simple but weird. Back about Nineteen Eighty something you were working a dead end job and then in a flash of light you were transported to the super awesome world of Thule. Basically the world of Thule is an LSD fueled combination of the totally awesome gonzo fantasy films of the Eighties and the wastelands of commercials from 1980something thrown in.
The wastelands of my Thule look like miles and miles of California and Nevada desert with rock formations from Vasquez Rocks Natural Area Park in Southern California's Antelope Valley in Agua Dulce;because in my brain bleached out imagination these areas live on!
Another thing that came to mind rereading Crimson Dragon Slayer is that my Thule and your version of this world is going be drastically different. Mine will have legitimacy at my own table just as yours will. So we already know what the landscape is going to look like. The skies and cities of man are going to be a combination of Night of the Comet from 1984 and at least a slew of bad Italian post apocalyptic films mixed in with a ton of popculture walk ons in the form of NPC's and the like.
So clerics of Elvis, wizards of speed & time, and barbarians on motorcycles are all going to vying for control of the wastelands along side angsty teens and suburban moms! All of these are going to be cheek to jowl with adventurers, robots, and Lovecraftian dragons.
Crimson Dragon Slayers isn't straight up sword & sorcery D&D instead its an LSD&D infused house rulzed monster fueled by after school old school role playing and Saturday afternoon cartoon weed bouts in your cousin's basement while Warriors of Bronx plays on the VHS.
So what sorts of random NPC's are you going to be running into in the wastelands of Thule? Are things going to get out of control? You bet they are so here's where you the DM get to roll on this totally awesome random wandering NPC table.
1d20 Random Encounters In The Waste lands of Thule Table
- An 80's warrior queen house wife whose in charge of 1d8 3rd level wasteland barbarian fighters on a mission from their awesome god.
- 1d20 slavers on a mission to take your PC's in and auction you off to the highest bidder. There is a 40% chance they'll be armed with technomagickal weaponry!
- Testosterone driven barbarian beef cake warrior with 1d10 female admirers looking for a fantasy artist to paint them but will work to right wrongs & pay bills!
- 1d10 Eighties family sitcom clones who have become a party of adventurers after they're home was destroyed by a Lovecraftian horror. Willing to help your party as they cruise the wastelands in a mini van which magically never runs out of fuel.
- Major Americka an Eighties super hero and his band of 1d10 barbarian warriors on a mission to stop an evil wizard and get some cash. He's armed with the Virtue Slayer his +2 sword of slaying and his shield of the Righteous!
- Brother Clayton the cleric of the Elvis and bringer of the King on a mission to slay evil and make the world of Thule safe for the music of the King!
- Slarg Mutant from a now defunct Eighties wrestling game and commercial series who is now taking up Shakespeare and busting heads for a bit of cash on the side. He has some very impressive energy projection powers. His face continually melts each time he uses these.
- 1d20 Trash pail raider kids! These pint sized bastards are out to murder anyone who crosses them in the name of their dark god! Armed with a variety of murderous weapons of mayhem!
- 1d20 random post bomb zombie victims who are ever so hungry who are melting and spreading ghoul plague to anyone who touches them. They will eat any who cross they're path. Dressed in a variety of vintage Eighties clothing!
- Zardoc The Mystic - Eight hundred number guru has now become a wizard of power and he's looking for adventurers to joint but beware he has a beard and is actually Mordoc the evil twin of Zardoc! He is a scion of Cthulhu and a bringer of depravity!
- Rubix The Mind Numbing Horror - A fad god whose searching the wastes for souls to devour; He or it is an Eighties puzzle box god gone bad and floats high over the wastelands causing mayhem with 1d20 spells of the black school!
- Fuc - Loose - The Dancing Bard A skinny suburban kid dressed in tight jeans and a tee shirt that causes musically numbers when his enchanted Walkman begins to blast out any number of one hit wonders from the Eighties! He is being pursued by a band of metal head outlaws who want his head on a pike. He knows all of the lore of the Eighties and can operate machinery and weapons with impunity.
- Hon and Solo - A pair of comedic robots that are wandering the wastes in search of their masters. Actually these are a pair of psychotic Thulian assassin bots on a rampage across the wastelands!
- The Man In Motion - A weird demi god of a rocker sporting a 'Member's only' and heavy shades who is looking for converts to Rob Loweism. A religion of adventure, bravery, order and sex scandals. He will grant a temporary +2 on a weapon with tales of teen angst and romance.
- 1d20 animated murderous cars and trucks on a rampage who will kill any adventurers they run across.
- A pack of rabid 1d10 coked up lawyers on a murderous spree armed with steak knives, hammers, nail guns, drills, and other weapons of mayhem!
- 1d20 video game ghosts coming through! They will try to eat anything they come across!
- The wasteland warrior nuns! 1d10 warrior nuns on Thulian lizard beasts seeking out a wayward sister and the murderous dark warrior who killed her. They are armed with M16's and +2 maces of male destruction!
- A black murderous 1968 black sedan of Satan on a rampage from Hell. It will kill anyone it runs across and its very cunning!
- Prince Ronald Raygun and his pack of murderous barbarians on the hunt for slaves and victims they are on minor Lovecraftian dragons. They are armed with technomagickal weapons of mayhem!
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